An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Give a man a fire, keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.

Klingon Programmer Quote #12: "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"

D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder

And because Man didn't want to adapt to his environment, he adapted his environment to himself. But he didn't know when to stop. As a result his children are sentenced to 12-16 years of school to learn how to adapt themselves to the environment that Man created for them.

When I see the word "logos", I don't think of logo pluralized. I think of somebody named "Logos"

Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.

ARRHHHH! It's "Talk Like a Pirate" Day!!!

Shaw we walk awound the bwock?

Did anybody want to come to Loblaws?

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

Whenever I open the price list I say to myself, "Sweet, I'm licensed to use Introduction".

Holy crap! It works!

A well is deep

You don't work on the Control Panel, it works on you.

AAAHHHGGGG!

You seem to be focusing on bugs, not progress.

We seem to do all the stupid little things well. It’s the stupid big things we’re having trouble with.

It’s very predictable but stupid.

Doing things now could pay off down the road. Procrastinating always pays off now.

It’s easier to become friends with your co-workers than it is to become co-workers with your friends.

Beer is beer and schnapps is schnapps.

Pigeons gather where pigeons are.

Even a blind chicken can find some scratch.

"At first, it's restrictive. But then it becomes a part of you." - Garth talking about new underwear, MP talking about C++

Klingon Programmer Quote #11: "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!"

Klingon Programmer Quote #10: "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you`ve read it in the original Klingon."

Klingon Programmer Quote #9: "Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!"

Klingon Programmer Quote #8: "What is this talk of `release`? Klingons do not make software `releases`. Our software `escapes` leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake."

Klingon Programmer Quote #7: "Klingon function calls do not have `parameters` - they have `arguments` - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM."

Klingon Programmer Quote #6: "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak."

Klingon Programmer Quote #5: "I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again."

Klingon Programmer Quote #4: "A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!"

Klingon Programmer Quote #3: "By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!"

Klingon Programmer Quote #2: "You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!"

Klingon Programmer Quote #1: "Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!"

I'd rather be a "schmuck" than a "putz"

Klingon Programmer Quote #12: Specifications are for the weak and timid!

"Does anybody want some flavoured cardboard?" - jsh

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene." - Homer Simpson

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin - Homer Simpson

How is education going to make me smarter? - Homer Simpson

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive? - Homer Simpson

I wish God were alive to see this - Homer Simpson

When are people going to learn? Democracy doesn't work - Homer Simpson

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out. - Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty? - Homer Simpson

Marge your cooking only has two moves, Shake and Bake - Homer Simpson

If the Bible has taught us anything—which it hasn't—it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such - Homer Simpson

We can hike anytime. This is our chance to see cars driving - Homer Simpson

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try - Homer Simpson

I can't take his money. I can't print my own money. You want me to work for money. Why don't I just lay down and die! - Homer Simpson

Sure, Lisa—pork chops, ham and bacon all come from one animal. Some "magical" animal - Homer Simpson

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time - Homer Simpson

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves - Homer Simpson

I never apologize, I'm sorry but that's the way I am - Homer Simpson

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb - Homer Simpson

But Dad, you're a very old man, and old people are useless - Homer Simpson

That horse had better win, or else we're taking a trip to the glue factory. And he won't get to come - Homer Simpson

Internet. They have that on computers now? - Homer Simpson

But Lisa, humans are supposed to weasel. It's what separates us from the animals (except the weasel). -Homer Simpson

Jeremy, you're next...

My karma ran over my dogma

10 million lemmings can't be wrong

Bugs can neither be created nor destroyed, only moved from one part of the system to another.

Forever is a long time, but it's shorter than it was yesterday.

Light only takes 8 minutes to travel 93 million miles from the sun because it goes downhill all the way.

1 is equal to 2, for sufficiently large values of 1 -anon

We have just invented the most powerful acid in the world; it can eat through anything. What should we keep it in?

This is an atomic hand grenade. It can blow a hole in the ground one hundred feet in diameter. The problem is, we can only throw it forty feet.

Drill a hole in the axle, put the wheel on, stick a nail through the hole and bend it so it doesn't fall out. Or, you could use a cotter pin, if you're made of money.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

Send the cats to burn him horribly with thier eye lasers! Fly my pretties!

Kludge, def: " An ill-assorted collection of poorly matching parts, forming a distressing whole." - Jackson Granholme

She's got a hub-cap diamond star halo, she's built like a car oh ya (Bang a Gong)

Everybody have fun tonight... Everybody Wang Chung tonight

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it, ... I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

I want you to seek knowledge... I want you to be a golf pro

I put 1,000 monkeys in a room with typewriters, and all I got was gibberish!

You know the nearer your destination, the more you're slip-slidin' away

Cats aren't clean -- they're just covered in cat spit

Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.

It takes 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile... but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Dreams are like rainbows.... only idiots chase them.

Power corrupts... absolute power corrupts absolutely (but it absolutely rocks too)

Always remember you are unique ... just like everybody else

Meetings: None of Us is as dumb as All of Us

It's always darkest just before it becomes pitch black

If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do

Just got a second computer; it's nice to finally be able to multitask in Windows!

Build an idiot-proof system, and the idiots will build a better idiot

Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation. --Norman Augustine

Everything you have done in your life has led up to what you are doing right now -- Raman Rampal

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn

I've told you a million times, stop exagerating!

Somebody called you an owl today...

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they pass by - Douglas Adams

One of the great tragedies of life is the murder of a beautiful theory by a gang of brutal facts. --Benjamin Franklin

We are not a bank!

Update my firmware, and I'm good to go...

big up to big e

Consistency is a good thing....unless you're consistently an idiot.

If you're going to be dumb you'd better be tough

I can think of nothing heavier than an airplane / I can think of no greater conglomerate of steel and metal / I can think of nothing less likely to fly / There are no wings more weighted / I too have felt a heaviness

life is too short so love the one you got cause u might get run over or ya might get shot

When two men in business always agree, one of them in unecessary (William Wrigley Jr.)

People want to go to heaven but they don't want to die.

He who dies with the most toys, still dies.

reunion.com rules!

If you vote for him he will make sure you and your family have a good years. If you do not... you´ll be sorry. - Borat

Please, you come see my film. If it not success, I will be execute. - Borat

My wife, she make very much noise when she do a toilet. - Borat

And what date does you hold the Fourth of July on? - Ali G

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? -Steven Wright

” What is ADAA?” “That’s the American Dodgeball Association…of America!”

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say. - Jack Handy

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. - Jack Handy

Shazaam!!!